About

Open Source Relationships was conceived at Penguicon around 2016-2017 at a panel about non-monogamy. The topic at the moment was about mononormativity in society, to which I quipped:

“Traditional Relationships are the intellectual property of the patriarchy.”

Traditional relationships are normalized to the point that it’s steeped into every corner and crevice of the media we consume, and comes with loads of documentation on the right and wrong way to do it. It’s so ingrained into our culture that most people are expected to follow and comply with the guidelines without having to ask, without requiring consent, and without any agency to decide what’s best for us without clearing an entirely new pathway to pursue.

The rest of us, the ones that don’t fall directly into the mold of traditional relationships, are left to fend for ourselves to find our way. Media that deals with our practices and talks about our orientations in any meaningful way is obscure and intentional. Documentation is sparse. People who pursue non-traditional relationships are truly on the frontier, even though non-traditional relationships have been in practice since the dawn of humankind and beyond, simply because they are no longer the default.

We are expected to fully communicate our needs and desires at all times so our friends, family, and potential partners always know our intentions. This is a good thing! However, traditional relationships could also benefit from this. If we could denormalize traditional relationships so that everyone is free to pursue what brings them happiness and fulfillment, I think we would find that most people were making the wrong assumptions all along.

The solution to all this is applying the principles of open source to all relationships. This is not limited to only non-monogamy or the various intersections of attachment, romance, and physical affection. This applies to monogamous relationships as well. By sharing information in a community-driven way, we can all find the resources we need to embark on our own journey of self-discovery, or strengthen our deeply held beliefs. We can generate our own metrics for success, experiment, evaluate, peer review, and document our findings so that the community as a whole benefits from the collective work we all put into it.

Even those that choose to engage in traditional relationships could benefit from understanding the importance of their own agency to do so, and by beginning to dismantle the paradigms of ownership, possession, jealousy, etc. that bring resentment, harm, and trauma to our lives.

Whether you want zero partners, a large commune of shared love and affection, or anything between … or even if you’re just curious and want to explore something new and theoretical … open source relationships are for you!

Join our community, contribute to our resources, and be the change you want to see in the world!